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A genuine scar on society today is the soaring divorce rate
among Christians and non-Christians alike. Rampant divorce has
not only weakened the institution of marriage in general, but
it has also weakened the institution of the family and been
the source of heartache for millions of adults and children
alike.
Marriage is Ordained of God and Not a Contract
In
The Family: A
Proclamation to the World,
the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
“solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is
ordained of God and that the family is central to the
Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” For
all of its beauty and importance, marriage is increasingly
thought of as disposable in the world and thus there has been
an increase in divorce, even among the most devoted
Christians.
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The prophet David O McKay admonished the world that when they
think of marriage "as a mere contract that may be entered into
at pleasure . . . and severed at the first difficulty . .
.[it] is an evil meriting severe condemnation" (David O.
McKay, in Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 8–9; or "Structure of
the Home Threatened by Irresponsibility and Divorce,"
Improvement Era, June 1969, 5). This is said to be especially
the case when children are involved.
The World Practically Encourages Couples to Divorce
In May of 2007 the firm of Fetman, Garland & Associates, Ltd.,
a Chicago-based law firm specializing in divorce, financed a
billboard with two scantily clad bodies — one male and one
female — telling people that "Life's short, get a Divorce."
Such are the thoughts of the world today when it comes to
marriage and divorce. Music, TV shows, movies, and other forms
of mainstream media treat lightly the subject of divorce to
the point of considering broken marriages to be the norm in
our society—nearly expected.
Divorce Rates among Christians
The Barna Group Ltd. conducted a study in 2004 which found
approximately 35% of born again Christians in the United
States have experienced divorce. Oddly enough the number was
approximate to that of non-Christians. Divorce rates are
relatively even among most Christian sects, with the exception
being the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. In a
1993 study published in the Demography, members of the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were reported to be the
least likely of all faith groups to divorce. The study
estimated that after five years of marriage, only 13% of LDS
couples had experienced divorced. (Bob Mims, "Mormons: High
Conservatism, Low Divorce, Big Growth - 3/99," Salt Lake
Tribune, 1999-MAR-6). If one considers LDS temple marriages,
The Los Angeles Times reported the findings of Brigham Young
University professor Daniel K. Judd in April of 2000 who
estimated that only 6% of Latter-day Saints who marry in a
temple ceremony subsequently experience divorce (William
Lobdell, "Holy matrimony: In era of divorce, Mormon Temple
weddings are built to last," Los Angeles Times,
2000-APR-8).
The Lord Reluctantly Allows Marriage Dissolution
When contemplating exaltation in the eternities, a marriage
that is worthy of such an honor is not one that considers
divorce, let alone one that works towards divorce. While civil
unions are meant to last for life, temple marriages are meant
to last for all eternity—in both cases divorce should never be
considered. Unfortunately human weaknesses enter into the
union, mainly the hardness of one’s heart (as Christ referred
to), causing divorce to become too frequent of a reality.
Because of these weaknesses, our Heavenly Father is allowing
divorce to take place without rendering the full consequences
of the action. Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the
Twelve Apostles counsels that divorced couples are permitted
to remarry “without the stain of immortality specified in the
higher law” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, General Conference April
2007, “Divorce”).
Those married in the temple are married both by civil law, as
well as having a temple sealing under the spiritual law. When
divorce takes place a couple can gain access to a civil
divorce which dissolves the marriage legally. However,
acquiring a sealing cancellation is another matter and only
under “…a mandate of the president of the Church can the
sealing of the couple be cancelled” (James A. Cullimore, “Q&A:
Questions and Answers,” New Era, Dec. 1975, 14–15).
Men are too Often the Perpetrators
While divorce is between a man and a woman, all too often a
husband may be the main perpetrator of the marriage issues
that lead to divorce. Jesus Christ counseled his disciples
that women are not to be treated unkindly or abused when he
said "Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered
you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not
so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife,
except it be for fornication, and shall marry another,
committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away
doth commit adultery" (Matthew 19:8–9).
Carefully Nurturing a Marriage is the Key
When marriage issues arise Christians are counseled to seek
help from their ecclesiastical leaders. Because a marriage is
sacred in the sight of the Lord, divorce is not part of a
leader’s counsel, but counsel on the consequences of divorce
may be. Healing the core illness should be the goal of
marriage counseling, which will undoubtedly include asking for
the help of the almighty for healing and forgiveness.
Christians are urged to do everything possible to nurture and
protect their marriages including being helpful, kind, loving,
considerate, attentive to each other’s needs, and partners in
all temporal and spiritual matters.
Dallin H. Oaks in his remarkable talk on divorce in 2007 urged
the following to those contemplating divorce: “I strongly urge
you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that
for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but
repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but
selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation.
Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates
long-term heartache. If you are already descending into the
low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel
together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power
of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring
you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in
the hard climb back to marital harmony” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks,
General Conference April 2007, “Divorce”).
The prophet Spencer W. Kimball, in hopes of fending off
marriage issues before they start, taught: "Two individuals
approaching the marriage altar must realize that to attain the
happy marriage which they hope for they must know that
marriage . . . means sacrifice, sharing, and even a reduction
of some personal liberties. It means long, hard economizing.
It means children who bring with them financial burdens,
service burdens, care and worry burdens; but also it means the
deepest and sweetest emotions of all" (Teachings of Presidents
of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball (2006), 194).
Divorce is not a Solution
In a talk referenced earlier, Dallin H. Oaks from April 2007
said “Even those who think their spouse is entirely to blame
should not act hastily. One study found "no evidence that
divorce or separation typically made adults happier than
staying in an unhappy marriage. Two out of three unhappily
married adults who avoided divorce reported being happily
married five years later." Elder Oaks goes on to say: “A good
marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It
only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together
toward perfection.”
Some churches allow for dissolution type processes (i.e.
Catholic annulments, sealing cancellations, etc.). In these
cases it is as if the couple was never married in the eyes of
the church, freeing the couple to marry again without
consequence. These decrees are difficult to obtain and require
a good deal of time and effort in proving unusual
circumstances on the part of one or both spouses. While such a
solution is preferable to divorce, the focus and priority
should always be for the couple to turn to the Lord in working
out their differences towards a brighter future together as a
family.
Conclusion
It is important that all Christian churches place a
significant emphasis on the preservation of marriage. This
includes regular Sunday school classes, adult education, youth
education, frequent conference and fireside talks on marriage,
and an abundance of magazine articles and other media that
discuss the virtues and importance of strengthening marriages.
Churches should provide an environment where members are
constantly counseled and taught the importance of marriage and
how to nurture and preserve marriage on a daily basis.
Most Christian churches today are compelled, even required at
the hand of the Lord, to speak out against divorce. Some
churches will do this more than others, providing doctrines
that oppose divorce and urge members to avoid such practice at
all costs.
Doctrinal
Study: Social
Issues: Divorce
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Sword Series™ essay on Divorce |
